Key aspects of a mediation process

What is special about a mediation process?

• Your participation is voluntary. You and the other parent decide whether or not to take part in mediation. Your voluntary participation and willingness to play an active part in the mediation process are essential requirements for mediation.
• A mediation process is unbiased: You and the other parent are responsible for formulating the aims and the content of a mediation process. One possible aim of mediation may be that you eventually reach an agreement that you have drawn up together. In contrast to judges, mediators have no interest of their own in a possible agreement.
• You also decide on the duration of mediation and the number of sessions.

The mediation procedure

Distribution of roles

A mediator will give you a structured framework for your conflict and lead you through the process, usually through stages of mediation that have been defined beforehand. He or she will steer the process of agreement but will not take any decisions for you. Instead, the mediator will assume responsibility for the rules of play, the structure and the sequence of the mediation. As the conflicting parties, you are relieved of these tasks.

People who have undertaken mediation training bring a variety of qualifications with them and may come from a variety of professional backgrounds such as legal studies, psychology, education or even perhaps engineering.

It is generally helpful in cross-border family conflicts if the mediator has experience in this field and possesses expertise in legal, linguistic and intercultural matters.

Listen to points of view, identify needs

It will be of central importance to the mediation process that you and the other parent have space to put forward your own points of view. With the support of the mediator, attempts will be made during the process to shed light on the background factors and reasons behind your perspectives and individual positions. Your respective needs and interests should also be explored and identified. This is the basis for exploring possible solutions, which may then culminate in a joint agreement.

Mediation is impartial. This means that the mediator is committed to you and the other parent in equal measure.

Children and young people in mediation

What sort of role is played by children and young people involved in dealing with international family conflicts is a key question. It may take various forms, depending on the case constellation. Age and maturity, the needs of the parents and the experience of the person providing the mediation all play a role here.

Various approaches are conceivable in a mediation process: an empty chair to represent the interests of the child or young person may be placed in the room, for example. Children and young people may participate directly in (individual) mediation sessions or conduct an individual interview with the mediator.

Special information services and networks

The website of the General Secretariat of the International Social Service (ISS) on the topic of international family mediation gives private individuals and professionals a comprehensive overview of the respective structures, contact persons and contact points in the field of international family mediation in many countries.

The International Mediation Centre for Family Conflict and Child Abduction (MiKK) offers free multilingual advice on the subject of mediation in cross-border family conflicts and can put you in contact with a mediator who specialises in this area.

The Cross-border Family Mediators network is part of the Missing Children Europe organisation and provides an overview of mediation services worldwide.

How much does family mediation cost?

You must pay for mediation yourself as a rule. You need to draw up a fee agreement with the mediator for this purpose.

Help with the costs of mediation that would be similar to legal aid, is not available.

In ongoing proceedings under the Hague Child Abduction Convention, on the other hand, there is a possibility that the Federal Office of Justice as the Central Authority may pay the mediation costs under the terms of the Convention if legal aid has been granted to at least one party.

There are also local initiatives and associations that provide low-threshold professional mediation, some of them through project financing or on a donation basis.

One example of affordable district and neighbourhood mediation in Berlin-Wedding is the Konfliktagentur im Sprengelkiez e. V. Likewise, ZoffOff in Berlin-Kreuzberg is a non-profit organisation aimed specifically at people who are unable to afford conflict counselling. Use our directory to find similar services near your place of residence.