I would like to move alone with our child to another country
Many relationships break up and marriages end in divorce. Frequently this affects children: when their parents separate, their world is often turned on its head. This can be amplified if you as parents want to live in different countries in the future. There may be many plausible reasons for a move. Are you planning to settle with your child in another country? We offer advice on what questions need to be clarified first.
Plans to move
Our consultancy experience shows that the reasons for wanting to move alone with one’s child are many and varied. Perhaps there has been a major crisis in your relationship, or you have been living apart for a long time or have never lived with the other parent of the child. At the same time, a career opportunity, links to the extended family or another factor may be pulling you abroad.
What needs to be considered?
When it comes to planning any move, the general principle is that as long as both parents jointly exercise parental custody, and in particular the right to determine the child’s place of residence, they must decide together about the child’s move.
Are you living in Germany at the moment and wanting to move abroad with your child but not the other parent? Are you wanting to move (back) to Germany from abroad? To avoid any conflict or escalation, you should consider the following questions beforehand:
- Do I have sole custody of my child, or have I been awarded the sole right to determine their place of residence? Important: In cross-border family situations the parents’ rights do not necessarily correspond (solely) to German custody rights. For more, please refer to our page on international law on child custody.
- Even if I have the sole right to determine where our child is habitually resident, what advantages could there be to consulting the other parent anyway? To put it the other way round, what consequences can I expect if I avoid any consultation?
- Have I listened to my child’s viewpoint, depending on their age, and taken this into consideration as far as I am able to?
- Assuming that the other parent’s access rights continue without restriction, how will I ensure that the needs and rights of our child to have regular contact with both parents are met after the move? How can contact with the other parent across national borders be organised
It may be necessary to discuss these questions – which are not claimed to be complete, and may need to be adapted to your own particular circumstances and family situation – with professionals. As well as local services, we are happy to provide advice. Our advice will be focused on safeguarding the best interests of your child, and we will listen to your views without judgement.
These points are of course also to be borne in mind if you have visiting-contact with your child and are planning not to return the child to their primary caregiver (mother/father).
You do not expect the other parent to agree, but see no alternative to the move?
Before you move abroad with your child, therefore, the other parent must give their consent. You may be asking yourself what you can do should this be refused.
In our experience, it is possible to obtain consent through direct communication and keeping channels open even in difficult, highly contentious situations. Ask third parties for help: could friends or relatives mediate between you, , or professionals act as moderators of a discussion?
Frequently it is particularly important for an agreement to offer a good solution for organising access so that it is clear that you want relations between the child and the left-behind parent to remain good despite the move.
If the other parent is unwilling to consent to a move abroad, but you are not able or willing to stay, a family court will have to decide on the matter. The family court in whose jurisdiction the child is habitually resident is competent to rule on such cases.
In Germany, however, a family court cannot specify the country in which a child is to live. Instead, it can award either one of the parents the sole right to determine the child’s place of residence.
More about the allocation of parental custody can be found under international law on child custody.
As soon as you are given this sole right to determine the child’s residence, you can move with your child. It is important that the entire family court proceedings have been finalized before the centre of the child’s life is changed.
Important: If you live outside Germany, the local rules apply. This means that the requirements for leaving the country may differ from one country to another. Not in every state does sole custody automatically also mean permission to leave the country with the child. Special permission may be required.
You should always therefore find out what the requirements are and which rules have to be met.
If no court order has been given, and if the parent with joint custody (in some legal systems also the parent with access rights) has not consented or has even expressly refused consent, you should not move. If you do, you will be committing international child abduction. Not only will your child have to make the difficult adjustment associated with a move abroad in any case, but there may also be consequences above and beyond that, not least their return.
Can parents actually abduct their own children?
Yes – even if rather different than abduction with a criminal background. Should you go abroad with your child or want to stay there but you do not have the sole right to determine where your child is habitually resident, it is essential that the other parent agrees to your choice. If they do not, and you do so anyway, this is called child abduction.
How can we help you create the basis for reaching an amicable solution as parents or taking the necessary legal measures? Talk to us!